Sunday, November 13, 2005

..emotional perplexity..

Sometimes I feel like I’m standing on this really narrow bar stick hanging somewhere high up there, trying hard to keep balance ‘coz any mishap leads to very painful fall. Balance in family, friends, work, and personal life. I must admit that I’m damn a quiescent person who don’t really like to mix around most of the time and so personal life is so important to me. Good thing I don’t have to make commitment to relationship (yet). It actually doesn’t really matter to me, but yet it DOES matter ‘coz most of the time it won’t just affect me, but others around me as well. This equilibrium sense, not easy to describe ‘coz it cannot be seen, heard, or felt. But it’s haunting me, in a way. I guess the vestibular apparatus deep inside my inner ear is not functioning well enough?

Damn... I'm gonna fall I'm gonna fall....

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Sometimes I wonder if everyone around me will grow up to this certain age and start acting old. As in, really old, where conversations are mostly in the past tense, starting every story with introductory retrospections on past events that had taken place in that halcyon days of youth and using words like "used to", "if I was younger", "in my younger days" or "you are too young to understand" too frequently. Or even develop a liking for those newborn monstersbabies that cry too much?? Couldn’t imagine how life can possibly go on that way. Suddenly I could understand how Peter Pan feels.

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